I haven’t written in quite some time. Truth be told the last 2 years have been such an uphill battle for me and my family. From Micah’s birth where he needed to be revived and in the nicu, to me hemorrhaging and needing surgery and coming closer to death than I ever care to truly admit. To the months of being in and out of the hospital with Micah and his feeding tubes and oxygen and surgery where he had to be revived again for the second time in his short little 3 months on this earth. To overcoming that only to discover a pituitary tumor in my head. Battling all those emotions all while discovering Micah was different than most kids his age. Then there was the scare of possible cancer on Caleb’s spine that ended up not being cancer but scoliosis, to the newest adventure of Micah being diagnosed with SPD. Oh and I decided to follow God’s calling and start a co op this past year. While David and I run the youth group at our church. To say I am tired, drained, emotionally spent is the understatement of the century.
This was proven true today as I had a complete breakdown, ugly crying and all, in the middle of Crayola World. Thankfully I was with an amazing friend whom never judged me one single time and in fact could relate with me on the struggle of Micah’s diagnosis. I know this isn’t the worse thing. I KNOW God has Micah in His arms because I’ve witnessed God pull myself and Micah from the trenches since his birth. But somewhere in the midst of all the chaos I lost sight of that! I lost sight of who my God is!
Natalie Grant’s “King of the World” was a song that touched me to my core after my near death experience. Tonight I found that song again and I am recentered and ready to tackle our next set of obstacles. Am I tired? Do I feel like giving up? Absolutely!!! Most days I feel broken and defeated and like I am not the person, wife or mother cut out for this. But that’s because I lost sight that God is the King of the world. I forgot that I am not capable of concurring any of this without Him.
So tonight, after a day that was so mentally and emotionally and physically exhausting, I’m remembering to lay it all at God’s feet. He doesn’t call us to climb the mountains on our own, because we are not capable to do such a task on our own. I have a ton to learn, I have to relearn how to parent, how to help Micah cope with things, how to help Micah with still not being verbal and every bit of that scares me to death, but my God will never forsake me and will push me up this mountain even when I feel like my legs are giving out under me because He is a good good father and I am weak on my own but with Him I can do anything!